Read full article in the Winter 2006 issue of Mia.(www.miawoman.com)
Educating Connie: What I learned from an afternoon with a fashion stylist
By Connie Kakavas-Lissner
I'm standing in my closet, knee-deep in a pile of discarded clothes and I'm stressed. I thought the idea of working with a fashion stylist would be kind of fun — a way of validating my fashion choices and learning a thing or two. I mean, how bad could it be. I've been dressing myself for 30-plus years and I'm rarely scorned for my choices (well, ok, there was the era of shoulder pads and big hair but everybody was doing it). But now, as I watch the pile of clothing grow I'm rethinking my decision.
My ribbed-knit sweaters that I thought were so flattering? Apparently, no one should wear ribbed-knits unless they are flat chested or they are a man, of which I am neither. My black toggle coat? Makes me look like a shapeless lump. My swingy black silk skirt that I wore everywhere last winter? Makes me look ten pounds heavier. I knew that I could look better but I didn't know that I looked so bad.
Stylists were once only for the elite: Hollywood starlets in need of red carpet glamour, high powered corporate execs and media personalities. But now, the fashion stylist has gone mainstream. And not just the ones on TV who heap insults while wielding a camera. For those of us who want the advice without the sarcasm or humiliation there are personal stylists who come to your home — and I wanted one. I, like many women that I know, have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear. I have a uniform — black t-shirt or sweater and khakis or jeans. I work from home, so I don't feel the need to dress up until I need to dress up and then, suddenly, I have nothing to wear. I wanted cute jackets and fitted shirts and sweaters and better jewelry, belts and bags. I wanted Tom Kolovos.
Kolovos is the fashion editor of Today's Chicago Woman magazine and a fashion and style contributor for ABC 7 and NBC 5 television in Chicago. He styles models, local media personalities and political figures for magazines and movie stars for appearances on "Oprah." He dresses private clients, ranging from corporate executives and soccer moms to figures on Chicago's social scene and now, he's going to dress me.
We begin our meeting with an in-person interview, the typical starting point for any new client. He's not what I would expect — nothing he is wearing screams expensive or "styled" but he looks polished and chic in his grey wool sweater, gently faded jeans and really great black shoes. (I am suddenly very self-conscious about my ribbed-knit heather gray sweater and Gap jeans — but at least I have on Cole-Hahn loafers.)
Kolovos asks about what's going on with my clothes and my life to try to understand what prompted my call. Throughout the 45-minute interview Kolovos peppers our discussion with general advice and observations ("binge shopping is like binge eating," he quips. "It never really works out"), all the while digging for clues to my personal style. He asks about my shopping habits: where I shop (no where in particular), when I shop (rarely, I hate to shop) and why I think that I hate to shop. He asks what kind of things I find myself buying over and over again (black, brown and white tops), what kind of things I find myself wearing over and over again (ribbed-knit sweaters), and what types of work events and social activities I am involved in. We talk about lifestyle, budget and body type the elements that Kolovos uses to determine one's personal style.
Kolovos quickly dismisses my dislike for shopping. He explains that people usually say they hate shopping because they don't know what to buy: "They buy the same things over and over...so they have a closet full of things and nothing to wear because they have 17 versions of the same things." He pegs my shopping style on the nose: I have the sense that I could look better but I just don't know how to do it, so I buy what is tried and true. I still end up looking like me but what I want is to look like a better version of me.
Kolovos bats away the other misconception that you need a lot of money to look good. "You can look great getting dressed at Target and awful getting dressed at Neiman Marcus," Kolovos noted. He uses his outfit as a perfect example of inexpensive chic: his shirt and jeans are from the Gap, his sweater is from H &M, his sport coat is from H &M, the jeans that he had on yesterday were from H &M, and the list goes on. But his shoes, now those are a different story. "If anyone asks me what is the one item that she should not skimp on — it's shoes," he said. "You carry yourself differently when you walk in good shoes."
And how you carry yourself is a big part of what Kolovos preaches. The value of Kolovos' services go beyond the clothes. It's about self-worth. Do you think you are worthy enough to look your best? Kolovos understands that his services are a luxury. You are paying someone to shop and, after all, its just clothes. But Kolovos will point out that for a lot of people it's more than just clothes. He has clients who are simply too busy to shop but they need to look good. Or maybe they are changing careers and need to refashion themselves. Or they are entering or reentering the workforce and need to look like the person they are being paid to be. But sometimes it's less practical and more emotional: a client has recently lost a lot of weight or gotten a divorce or just decided, like me, that it was about time that they looked their best.
Kolovos tells a story about a woman who was given Tom's services as a Christmas gift last December. It's now October and she still hasn't called because she is waiting to lose seven pounds. Kolovos says that she will never call because she will never lose enough weight to be satisfied. "It's about worthiness," he said. "It's about feeling worthy enough to buy new clothes and look your best."
"Sometimes you touch a raw nerve with people when you go into their closet," he explained. "People are attached to clothing because they are trying to cover something up — they can't handle looking as good as they should look." Someone who recently lost a lot of weight, for instance, may struggle with the attention they are getting. They may wonder if they are worth looking at.
My raw nerve is wearing anything fitted. About fifteen years ago I lost a lot of weight and I've been dressing like I'm 30 pounds heavier ever since. Don't even ask me to wear a figure fitting sweater or shirt. Like many Greek women I know, I am somewhat well-endowed. Whenever I wear anything fitted or somewhat low cut (we're not talking Pamela Anderson low cut here, just your basic v-neck) someone comments on my chest — men, women, friends, strangers. So when Kolovos asked why I buy fitted sweaters and shirts that I don't wear...well, that's why. Bring on the baggy ribbed-knit sweaters — that's my comfort zone.
Which brings Kolovos to his next point: people often associate being fashionable with being uncomfortable. "Somewhere along the line they decided that being comfortable meant they were unfashionable so they are off the hook. So if someone says you look awful you can say yeah, but I'm comfortable," he said with a laugh. But, he assures me, you can be both well-dressed and comfortable.
The gym shoe (not one of my vices, thankfully) is a perfect example of someone choosing comfort over style. "Just because gym shoes are comfortable doesn't mean that other shoes aren't just as comfortable," Kolovos said. "You can wear shoes that are as comfortable as any gym shoe you've ever tried but you look like you are dressed up."
Finally, we launch into a description of my lifestyle (mother of two boys, free-lance writer, suburban housewife). Kolovos focuses as much on where you wear your clothes as how you wear them. This may seem like common sense but some people have yet to learn: If you are a stay-at-home mom, wearing Dolce & Gabbana to the grocery store is a bad idea. "It doesn't matter how hot you look," he said. "You are going to look ridiculous." Check. No Dolce & Gabbana at the grocery store. Got it.
Into the closet
The next step in the process is tackling the closet. Kolovos will spend the next 2 - 2 1/2 hours going through a client's closet — not just to see what doesn't work but to see what does work. He wants you to be able to walk away with a sense of what works for your body so you don't end up buying all of the wrong things and end up looking less than your best or worse yet, never wearing what you buy.
As much as I was hoping that Kolovos would walk into my closet and pull together outfit after outfit based on what I already owned, he explained that he rarely ends up in someone's house surrounded by a closet full of treasures that would yield an amazing outfit if only the client could put them together correctly. "What usually [happens] is that people have bought pieces here and there that are the right things...but what's really missing is that they have bought one part of the outfit but it never looks right because whatever they pair it with it doesn't work." They ought to be buying the thing on the top or the bottom that compliments what they already have. This is what Tom teaches.
What we are striving for, I am informed, is "effortless chic," that elusive ability to just throw something together but look like you stepped out of a magazine ad. Kolovos assures me that this is possible. "You don't have to put a lot of effort into what you do but if you follow a couple of key ideas you can be as comfortable as you want to be," Kolovos explains.
We start with jackets. I pull out my favorite "newish" purchase — a black, knee-length, double-breasted trench coat with white stitching. I hold my breath waiting for the criticism but wait, he likes it. He really likes it. Kolovos begins by pointing out why the coat works on me (key point being — why it works for me). He likes the way the stitching elongates the coat helping me look taller (I'm 5'2"). He likes the way the panels of the coat flare out towards the bottom, he likes that the coat nips in at the waist and that it has some nice detail at the back that gives me a waist. One piece down — about 150 more to go.
The next couple of coats don't fare as well — my aforementioned black toggle coat needs to be replaced, my Max Mara alpaca swing coat (bought over seven years ago when I was newly pregnant with my second child) ends up in the discard pile (low pockets hit at my hip — not somewhere that needs to be emphasized, arms are too big, no nipped waist or detail to accentuate any part of me that needs accentuating). Another coat — reversible fur and leather, again double-breasted but similar in detail to the black trench gets to stay. Well, two out of four ain't bad.
Next stop, purses. I've been wearing a tan-colored, suede, Coach shoulder bag with my black toggle coat but Kolovos points out that the two fabrics, styles and colors just don't match. He explains (and it's so obvious now) that you shouldn't just throw on your favorite purse with your favorite coat if they don't match. When he lays the purse and coat next to each other on the bed and asks "Would you buy these things together if they were in a magazine ad?" The answer is a definite no. So I add a new fall/winter purse to my list of "must haves".
Kolovos is keeping a mental note of what I need so he can give me a list at the end of our session. Normally the next step (after the closet evaluation) would be a three to four hour shopping trip but, at this point, I think I could tackle the shopping list on my own if I was armed with the right information. A former teacher, Kolovos is quick to point out that the purpose of this exercise is education. "I know that my clients will be shopping by themselves. They just need to know what works," he said.
After purses we move on to sweaters. He pulls me in front of the mirror and critiques the sweater I am currently wearing. The gathered fabric at my waist and the ribbing that doesn't lay flat across my chest is unflattering, I am told. I should be wearing a sweater that doesn't bag anywhere, that lays flat across my body and nips in slightly at the waist. I pull out maybe five sweaters out of 25 that fit that criteria — those, I will keep.
We move through jackets, skirts and shirts. Anything shapeless, flared or too big (no more size 8 shirts on my size 4 frame) is tossed. As I discard, Kolovos makes suggestions — side-tie shirts and belted sweaters that emphasize my waist, tulip skirts that draw attention away from my hips, boot-cut jeans and fitted button-front shirts are added to my list. With every outfit, shoes are discussed and suggestions are made — good black pumps, brown flats, new black boots. He suggests adding some belts to my wardrobe and tells me where I can pick up some inexpensive ones.
When all is said and done I have a short list of things to purchase and a large pile of things to give away. It's oddly liberating — cleaning out the closet (Kolovos calls it "creating psychological space"). Once I get past the sticker shock of throwing out clothes with the tags still on I start to realize the value in having someone pick out clothes that not only look good but that I will wear.
As for the cost of the personal shopping trip, Kolovos is keenly aware that he is on the clock when he shops for clients. He explains that the clothes are pulled and set aside before the client goes to the store and he only charges for the time that he is with the client. It helps that he shops a lot — he knows where the clothes are and he knows which stores have the right clothes for each part of your body from your neck to your feet. Spend a third of the time shopping and walk away with clothes that look great and I will wear? I'm beginning to see the light.
I'm still not sure that I am ready to have Kolovos serve as my personal shopper — yet. It still seems too decadent for me although Kolovos will debate that point. He is aware that his services are a luxury. But, he will argue, it's not a luxury to look your best. "I don't care if you are a size 2 or a size 22," he said. "There's a way that you can look good and a way that you can look bad. The fact that you are a size 22 is not an excuse for looking bad. It has to do with feeling worthy enough to look your best under the circumstances."
A couple of days later I find myself wandering through Nordstrom to return a bulky, shawl-collared grey sweater that I was positive I could make work with something in my closet. I eye a side-tie white shirt that I normally wouldn't give a second glance and decide to give it a try. And, you know what? Kolovos was right. I suddenly have a waist and although it is a little lower cut than I would normally wear I don't feel self-conscious. I'm proud that I found something to wear but would I be able to do it again and again on my own. Probably, but I think I might be ready to have someone else do it for me...
Connie Kakavas-Lissner is still shopping on her own but hopes that that will change soon
